Infusing Sunshine: May 2019

Note to Self : Healing

by Infusing Sunshine - May 22, 2019

Note to Self: 2 of 3

Picture a blooming deep ruby rose and the wafting of its sweet heady fragrance towards you as it stands proudly with its strong and steady stem. For this budding rose to grace you with its presence, it had to break through the earth and slowly grow through the dirty soil. Do you think this rose allows the thought of the pain of emerging from the bud of its beginning while it had to weather the forceful rain and winds to prevent it from blossoming in all its glory? This rose chose to look towards the sun and hasn’t looked beneath it ever since, so why should you?

It is shockingly effortless to let yourself go and allow the nightmare of your past and of what was to consume you. I know there are days when you feel misplaced, confused, and as though you have no options on what path to take going forward or what to do next, but you always have a choice.

You now have the choice to wake up from that very nightmare which was once your reality, it’s a mere distant moment you once lived and the good news is, it's behind you. I hope you have now realized that you have lived through and left behind the ruins of your past, it is no longer where you are presently nor where you need to revisit.

You are now taking active steps in educating yourself about the need to find inner peace whilst trying your best to heal and indulge in self-love merely by reading this article. Even if it's baby steps, they are steps moving forward.

You are now where you wanted to be and should be, on your path of self-forgiveness and if anything I hope you are safe.

I have no idea how you got through the earthquakes of gloom which tremored in your mind, the floods of disbelief which submerged your heart, or the volcanic pain which tried to melt your soul. Thank God, I am proud of you! You survived an era that was meant to destroy you. Sometimes you need to hear gratitude for yourself, from yourself. Be proud of yourself!

Healing is a process and time is its best friend. Luckily, there will be days which will leave you feeling at ease, filled with positivity and comfortable with moving on and then there will be days that pull you deep into a tornado of gloom, but what’s important is to never give up. Look at your dark days as the night which is necessary and natural before welcoming the next new sunny day filled with the bright rays of potential.

With healing comes the realisation, learning to be kind to yourself and to handle your state of mind delicately.

With healing, it is also important not to fall into the trap of feeling overly apologetic towards oneself. Be patient with yourself but don’t forget you are your own cheerleader, you are all you have, you need to motivate and drive yourself to tackle life when you fear you don’t have an ounce of strength to employ your mind to fulfill your daily goals.

The brilliant thing about us humans is that we are resilient beings. Thankfully the bottom line is, you are human, you make mistakes that have terrible consequences, you may give others the benefit of the doubt when they really don’t deserve it and your judgment may not be so wonderful at times.

I hope you realize you already possess the inherent ability to persevere, break through the ceiling when the room is caving in and you can pick yourself up when the world is pulling you down mercilessly, you have no idea how many times you have done so before.

You need to accept that yes, you judged wrongly, you ran when you were meant to not even crawl but to sit first or maybe you made a bad choice and that’s okay and what is more important is your realization that a simple choice of the past does not define how you live the rest of your tomorrows.

Through all the misfortune that has happened, I urge you not to regret the kindness you gave nor the duty you felt you had to perform, even if it was ignored or taken for granted. You tried your best, you did what you felt was right and if the recipients of your actions were visionless, walk away gracefully. I want you to live happily with the fact that certain paths are meant to be crossed whether we like it or not and lessons need to be learnt.

Maybe your lesson from it all was to now know when to be kind and when to stand up for yourself by not allowing yourself to be pushed and tugged according to the will of others or any particular situation. Know that you have fulfilled your purpose for that moment and you need to move forward now.

The goodness you allowed to overflow from your heart was who and what you are made of, so please, don’t ever allow the softness of your heart to fade away into the numbness of this world.

Is the disaster you were once a part of worth reliving in your head, day after day and worth holding on to? Why torture yourself with the agony of your yesterdays?

Many of us don’t have a clue on how to deal with the hurt. We become our own worst enemy by constantly digging deep into scenarios we once wished we could have vanished from. Why put yourself through the hurt several times over when once was enough? Forget about situations you could not control and find ways to grab the wheel on situations you can steer according to your own will.

I think it is time to look at the pain differently. Pain is the price you pay for every precious thing you have in your life, be it the precious love and support from parents, family, and friends, discovering the power of having faith and hope and even learning how to finally put yourself first. Allow yourself to bloom into the being you were born to be.

No one can take away or alter who you truly are, an attempt to do so is equivalent to trying to disturb a creation already declared as a masterpiece, all on its own.

In order to heal you need to feel. Allow yourself to face the emotions head-on, talk it out, cry it out, write it out or even get fit and work it out.

Allow yourself to release the tidal wave of emotions you were holding back all this time.

Allow yourself to take steps towards flushing out the thoughts and memories which hurt you and what really doesn’t and should not matter anymore.

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Leave the moments that created your tears, which tried and failed to taint your heart with constant pain and regret where they belong, in the wasteland of what was.

Don’t disrespect your future and your present by ever looking back. Don’t allow yourself to be the obstacle preventing you from turning the page to start a new chapter or better yet starting a new volume of your life.

You may feel upset at times, upset with the choices you made, you may even feel disappointed with yourself but you need to be forgiving.

Forgive yourself for the wrong decisions, forgive yourself for where you were but also thank yourself for not giving up, for taking a stance, for carrying yourself through the tearful moments, for realizing you SHOULD NOT try to eliminate yourself but to rather eliminate the situation you were in, for bringing you to where you are now. Thank yourself for surviving!

You are a fighter so thank yourself for finally fighting for your worth, for waking up and realizing you don’t deserve to be hurt, fooled, humiliated, and unhappy.

You deserve to be treated better, you deserve to be cared for and protected, even if you are your own shield.

You deserve to wake up with a smile on your face, warmth in your heart and in a place where you belong.

I want you to remember to be gentle with yourself. You have made it this far, and have handled yourself graciously.

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Remember to not be as bad as how you were treated. You should not allow the actions of others to hurt you nor worry you. At the end of the day, everyone is accountable for their own actions and the actions of others merely speaks about who they are and not about who you are.

Maintain and preserve, if not amplify your goodness and humanity.

Without even realizing it, you won’t allow yourself to be lost to any other individual or situation in the coming future but will rather be reborn according to what each new experience requires of you.

Don’t turn into what hurt you, even if your trust, your time or your possessions were stolen from you, be happy with the fact that the individual that you were and are has remained.

Don’t cry over material things or a sum of money because honestly, your safety and the happiness in your heart will always trump the money in your bank or the possessions to your name.

You have weathered through the storm and blossomed into a survivor and fighter whilst not letting go of the softness of your heart and that my sweet can never be stolen from you.

Wise words to remember,